The what-went-before
gone finally let me
go,
or I let go of it
and just fell
right
on by the now
the just-Be-moment
and drifted like a
red balloon high on the winds of the future
Escaped from my burden
to only gad about
painting the frown
red
digging endless
trenches
looking for meaning and Identity
I cracked up a bit
when I saw that sacred
yolk running
down my leg
you’d feel gross too
if it was you
doing
the leaking
I leaked it all
walking,
standing,
talking,
running from the pain of being
me
I showed up wounded
and you clapped at my
disfigurement
Let you run fingers over
all the stories in my scars
I told you
everything.
and then
I had nothing private left
All this touching
all this poetry on
my private spaces
lost to crowds with hungry faces
pleading peaceably
for some of my pieces back
Maybe I did
stop collecting souvenirs when mom died
but
telling the whole world
where I wash my clothes
won’t raise the dead-ends to overpasses
I shouldn’t have
let you all voyeur in on me so often
I shouldn’t have
invited you all to watch me skinny dip
in a pool of my own fears
you were there in goggles
for my last rectal exam
but we went deeper than that though, didn’t we?
maybe I took it too far
when I said you could fuck me with a strap-on
maybe I said it
just to make you love me more, or enough
I should have taken better care of myself
and thought a little less
about
what you thought of me
that’s why I stopped shaving a face I can’t see
a little step
in a hard-long-walk out
the suicides and slaveries are left behind
I'm not asking for permission
to be me
anymore.
for now,
sit tight
watch this meteor shower with me
like the world is ending
all over again
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