Manic me crashes
into trees and
telephone poles
fantasy isn’t meant to
last forever
it’s the universe’s
chewing gum—meant to keep your mouth busy
I’ve spent more time
thinking about suicide
than I have marriage
and I only started listening
to Jesus Radio
when I too came back
from the dead
I still mute the
commercials
and pretend the sky
isn’t rotting
I am not gay or happy
but I ain’t straight or
sad either
I certainly don’t need
another girlfriend
but I could use a
mother
makes me wonder
why men can’t be nuns
I’m not depressed
I’m just aware that we
are all running out of time
and everything I
learned in hell
is useless in this new
heaven
spreading out the doubt
between clouds
I want to wink and keep
moving
everything that I have
been thus far
hasn’t worked out so
well
so don’t be shy
if you see me wearing a
new hat
the best kept mystery
of what I am becoming
at first—I won’t know
how to do it
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