Willing to Look

I woke up this morning and couldn’t find my will to live,

it wasn’t there, paired with cigarettes and a dead lighter,

so I dug through my dirty pants from the previous day,

but all I found unfortunately were fortune cookie fortunes,

telling me to feel lucky and to hold on tight,

I turned on the lamp and the bulb blew out,

so I searched my room in the dark,

clawing around on the carpet,  

wondering now, how does one lose a will to live,

I checked the dish where my car keys swim,

looked near the wallet clamming on the dresser,

where the mirror reflected how lost I am,

See, it said. But I don’t.

I slumped to the kitchen and couldn’t even find my appetite,

I looked under the stack of motivational posters on the table, but still no will to live,

I thought maybe I dropped it coming home last night,

so I retraced my steps out the door and down the silent street,

slowly sinking into knowing,

that I had lost it years ago.